Why I have been gone for oh so long

Well sons and daughters of the blog, I am back.
I am a changed person.
I will quickly chronicle my journeys in this post- so you can feel like you lived life changing events over the past couple of months with me.


Well it started when I was sitting alone in my room. It was cold, I was bored, the snow was piling up. I felt trapped. So I opened my computer and started looking at pictures of the ocean. It was my only sanity. The hot sun glistening over the horizon and the palm trees knotted together, protruding out of the hot sand. Ahhhh...beach... WELL I happened to stumble upon a google image of a beach with a PERSON on it.


GUESS WHO THAT PERSON WAS??!!!


My family friend, Sheriton Twang.


I called him and told him about the picture and asked when he was in ...wherever he was (Turns out it was Maui)


He laughed and told me he moved there. EXCUSE ME SHERITON TWANG!!! YOU DO NOT MOVE TO MAUI WITHOUT TELLING MY FAMILY. Well, he did. So he said he was coming home in a few days and had a present for me. SCORRRRE.


It was a shell necklace with sea glass. He said he got the shells and sea-glass from the beach...WELL I AM A SEA-GLASS CONNISEUR AND YOU CANT FIND SEA GLASS IN MAUI.


Sheriton Twang, you are a lying fool.


I called him out on it. He instantly paled and told me he bought it from a street vendor. More lies. I could tell. Finally I asked him what was up.


Turns out Sheriton Twang has been working on a secluded beach *HE WOULDNT TELL ME WHERE* for a celebrity. Only not really a celebrity. He's some weird scholar, something, something, something who knows. 


But I was intrigued. I wanted to know who this was! I Did a little snooping and eventually made a call.
 The man recognized my last name right away. SORT of creepy. He knew of my GREAT GRANDFATHER.  He wouldn't tell me anything else. So I went to my grandfathers house (who I don't even like) and asked him what was up. He got all sheepish and wouldn't talk. So I was quiet for awhile until he fell asleep to church tv.


Unfortunately, as I rifled through the basemement the only thing my grandfather had left that I could find was a file titled "GRANDFATHER" his granfather - MY GREAT GRANDFATHER. Inside was... a STUPID SINGLE sheet of paper that said "The secret is within you" EXCUSE ME? No, that's not okay GRANDPA. What does that mean? Yeah I had no idea either. Until one day it came to me. Within ME? No, that paper was not meant for me. Within YOU meaning my great grandfather Theador Vemp Jourdain. Yeah strange spelling right!! Well Theador Vemp Jourdain just HAPPENS to be an anagram for...


JOURDAIN THE VAMPIRE.


My family is descended from vampires.


And that's why I haven't blogged in awhile. Sorry.


LOVE HUGS AND COCOA WARMED UP OVER THE STOVE TO MAKE A HOT BEVERAGE!!!
-Goose