Monday, February 28, 2011

Toy Story is a TRUE story and Keep Your Stubby Thumbs Away From Me!!

Toys come to life. 

You may think I'm joking, but I'm seriously not. I am the farthest thing from joking, I'm seriousing. Most of the time, it is toy snakes that come alive. They are the spunkiest. I have caught my toys sneaking around (yes I still have toys and not the gross kind you perv) recently, I will share the story.

Whilst visiting you may know that Twin and I built the entire Harry Potter Lego Castle and many of the accouterments (10 cent word of the day look it up)

If you looked that up you need to go enroll in some classes.

Anyway! That was over 2 months ago when we built that. Lego Harry Potter world has long since been put back into its boxes (and sorted nicely thankyouverymuch).

FIRST, I found a Ron Weasely figure roaming about in the basket on my TV stand. EXCUSE me Lego Ron, you do not belong there, nor do I know how you got there.

SECONDLY (this is the kicker) I dropped my hairdryer the other day, and you know that little bugger of a filter screen on the end that always pops off? You got it, it popped off and rolled across the floor. No big deal. So I went to pick it up -FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR- and what is under it? A Harry Potter Lego Snake. Where did it come from? Not only would I have noticed a small black SNAKE in the middle of my hardwood floor, I vacuum my room more than most normal people. ((My room gets really dusty since its in the basement)) 

Pixar wasn't that clever after all. Some toy probably just wrote it all autobiographically and Pixar stole it. They have been known to steal stories. They stole a story I wrote in the 5th grade called "A Fishy Life" and turned it into "Finding Nemo" no joke. I should be a millionaire right now, or at least a thousandaire.
See there was this thing we did where we wrote a story and sent it away to get made into a *REAL HARDCOVER BOOK!* and then we ruined it by coloring our illustrations in marker. Ah well. But I have a feeling that Pixar had a deal with those folks. 5th grade minds are geniuses. Mine was.

Anyhoo- On to the next topic of discussion, if you have stubby toe thumbs like Megan Fox (whom I think is totally hot), good for you, just keep them away from me.

HOW does that happen?? Your mama has normal thumbs, your daddy has normal thumbs, your toes just got confused and landed right on your hand.

And its not that I find them ugly, I don't, its fine, I'm not here to judge by looks...

I just don't like when people touch me with their feet.


"I feel dirty when I see toe hands like if they wiped their butts with them then stuck them in my soul" -Twin

If my Life was a Montage

As some of you may know, for a very long time I have dreamed of being a reality television star. Now there is a reason for this deeper then me wanting to give the world an opportunity to see my beautiful face, or to be famous, or to gain a lot of money.

I want a badass, slightly sad, elimination montage.

All reality shows have them, even the ones that don't even do eliminations like the real world, when the people move out that show a video of there time there. That's what I want in life. I love a good montage or mash-up of anything, so what could be better then a montage of my self having the time of my life on television.

There is a catch though, people who come in second never get a badass montage. So when I even make it on a reality television show I will have to make sure not come in second, if it looks like I won't I'll gracefully bow out in 3rd so I can have my moment, if your in second you don't get a moment. You are old news and all anyone cares about is the winner.

I know there is another time in life where people get badass montages, but these are usually a bit more sad because they are at funerals. I plan on having a badass montage made of my life and playing non-stop when I am on my death bed. This is partly because I'd like to know that it is quality material that will be a tear jerker for all to see when I finally put on that permanent wooden overcoat. and I would like to guarantee myself the pleasure of having my entire life flash before my eyes, you know, just in case that actually doesn't happen when you die of the ripe old age of 106 (the age I have decided I'd like to die at).

106 is like a million years away so I honestly don't think I can wait that long for a montage, so I plan on being on a reality show pretty soon. This will eventually lead to my Oscar win where I will thank myself for being such and amazing actor.


Sunday, February 27, 2011

"As You Can See Here To The Left, We Have BlueShit"

Who is that handsome devil?

In case some of y'all did not know, I had a brief career as a Survival Expert with my own television show. After filming the first episode The Discovery Channel decided that my expertise and use of scientific words and reasoning was to far advanced for the general public to watch and enjoy.

They also wanted me to pretend to be British, but baby there is no pretending here. I often go out in public with my British personally and I got a whole bloody background story if any one asks, oh how fantastic life use to be when I lived the in United Kingdom.

I improved all 4 minutes of that wonderful video, but let me tell you it took a lot longer then 4 minutes to film, and it really did start 2 rain (sprinkled) cats and dogs but good thing that I built that wonderful shelter (house) to keep me dry!

This was filmed sometime around fall 2010 I guess, back in my prime and teenage years. oh those were the days! We started to film how to rob a bank successfully but after a few run in with the cops we decided against it. Though I did learn how to get away from the cops I'll let you know my little trick for every time I get pulled over.

First thing you need to do is say "wow pulled over again!" and act very surprised and shy at all the attention. Then follow it with "my movie has not even come out yet and already two officers have recognized me and asked for my autograph"

You won't have to worry about ticket any more. He will assume that you are telling the truth and they you are indeed filming a movie with Julie Andrews where you play her young sexy love interest.

That's my never-fail plan to get out of any situation, lie and act confident. Most people won't have the balls to call you out so it works.


PS That video was made, shot and edited by Melissa Kelly, my twin brothers girlfriend. So shout out to her for filming it, I didn't make her film it, it was actually for her class and she need the most attractive, charismatic person she knew to be in it, therefore like she came to me, like anyone else would have to do

Thursday, February 17, 2011

My Name Is Рейнольдса Дэвис & I am a Russian Spy

If that doesn't say Reynolds Davis in russian then google translate has spoiled all my plans of taking over this wonderful country. When I say I am a Russian Spy I use those words very loosely.

First of all, when I say Russian I actually mean Georgian, and when I say Georgian I actually mean Citzen of the United States of America.

and when I say spy I actually mean a vacationer. So I guess I should explain how this mix up happened.

The summer before my senior year I took a trip to Fiji, New Zealand and Australia. And before I get into my story let me just say, my VisaSSS, the SSS is very important, we screwed up for Australia. Well this is because I had multiple visas and they were in different names, one as William Davis and the other as Reynolds Davis. Now I didn't apply for these visa's the people who I went on the trip with did so it was not my fault they were screwed up. So I got pulled aside and am being asked questions and to set the record straight, I wasn't even aware that a visa was anything different from a credit card, so I pulled my visa out to prove I only want one card. Whoops. They handled it and combined my visas or deleted one or something all I know is that they let in leave the airport which is a good thing. So thats how I became a spy.

But I became a Russian, well Georgian, before I became a spy. For those of you who are geographically challenge Georgia is also a country near Russia. You may remember it from such incidents like its miltary action it had with Russian and 2008 (wow aren't all of you who are geographically challenged relieved to find out that didnt take place in the good ole USA). Well when I was in New Zealand I met these people and they asked me where I was from, and I said Georgia, because everyone should know there 50 states. And apparently these folks did not know there 50 states well but were familiar with the soviet states. So they looked it up on a map.

They proceeded to say "wow you speak pretty good english." At this point I am not aware that they think I am Russian. so all I can think of is "Yeah I know I do, we practically invinted the language, you folks in New Zealand actually are the ones with terrible accents"

But I responded "thanks, you too?" I was rather confused. As the conversation moves on I keep getting more confused as to where these people think I hail from so I sneak a peak at there map......and I so not see the peach state. So I correct them and are issues were solved!! I am basically a diplomate now...the only issue left was the fact that with new zealand accents they would not pronounce Reynolds correctly, so I told them to call me Reyn, which also wasn't pronounced excellent but you got to give and take a little bit with forign policy you know?

Well Thats my story of how I turned from Russian Spy to Diplomat.


Why I have been gone for oh so long

Well sons and daughters of the blog, I am back.
I am a changed person.
I will quickly chronicle my journeys in this post- so you can feel like you lived life changing events over the past couple of months with me.

Well it started when I was sitting alone in my room. It was cold, I was bored, the snow was piling up. I felt trapped. So I opened my computer and started looking at pictures of the ocean. It was my only sanity. The hot sun glistening over the horizon and the palm trees knotted together, protruding out of the hot sand. Ahhhh...beach... WELL I happened to stumble upon a google image of a beach with a PERSON on it.


My family friend, Sheriton Twang.

I called him and told him about the picture and asked when he was in ...wherever he was (Turns out it was Maui)

He laughed and told me he moved there. EXCUSE ME SHERITON TWANG!!! YOU DO NOT MOVE TO MAUI WITHOUT TELLING MY FAMILY. Well, he did. So he said he was coming home in a few days and had a present for me. SCORRRRE.

It was a shell necklace with sea glass. He said he got the shells and sea-glass from the beach...WELL I AM A SEA-GLASS CONNISEUR AND YOU CANT FIND SEA GLASS IN MAUI.

Sheriton Twang, you are a lying fool.

I called him out on it. He instantly paled and told me he bought it from a street vendor. More lies. I could tell. Finally I asked him what was up.

Turns out Sheriton Twang has been working on a secluded beach *HE WOULDNT TELL ME WHERE* for a celebrity. Only not really a celebrity. He's some weird scholar, something, something, something who knows. 

But I was intrigued. I wanted to know who this was! I Did a little snooping and eventually made a call.
 The man recognized my last name right away. SORT of creepy. He knew of my GREAT GRANDFATHER.  He wouldn't tell me anything else. So I went to my grandfathers house (who I don't even like) and asked him what was up. He got all sheepish and wouldn't talk. So I was quiet for awhile until he fell asleep to church tv.

Unfortunately, as I rifled through the basemement the only thing my grandfather had left that I could find was a file titled "GRANDFATHER" his granfather - MY GREAT GRANDFATHER. Inside was... a STUPID SINGLE sheet of paper that said "The secret is within you" EXCUSE ME? No, that's not okay GRANDPA. What does that mean? Yeah I had no idea either. Until one day it came to me. Within ME? No, that paper was not meant for me. Within YOU meaning my great grandfather Theador Vemp Jourdain. Yeah strange spelling right!! Well Theador Vemp Jourdain just HAPPENS to be an anagram for...


My family is descended from vampires.

And that's why I haven't blogged in awhile. Sorry.


Sunday, February 13, 2011

Screw Valentines Day

Tomorrow and Valentines Day, the worst holiday in my opinion. Some of you may be thinking "oh Reyn your just bitter because your single" No actually its because valentines day is my birthday. Of all the holidays to share a birthday with valentines day is the worst. First of all everything is heart shaped around my birthday, and theres always that friend who gets me valentines day candy for me birthday, never fails. Thanks a heap cupid.

Some of you may say "well what about Christmas or thanksgiving or Halloween, those would all majorly suck" and I really don't think so. With Halloween it gives you an excuse to have an awesome Costume party for your birthday every year, which thanksgiving you know that you are going to have an awesome birthday dinner and with Christmas, well you share a birthday with Jesus and I think that's pretty rad.

But Valentines Day? Really? I mean it isn't THAT bad but it sucks that you are not even guaranteed to see your friends on your birthday bc if they have a date you just SOL.

But this birthday weekend has been pretty gnarly. I got what a really wanted for my birthday, which I convinced my mom would be better to open today that way we can open gifts in front of the whole family and not just each other. I also got a package from my nugget :)

So I guess I hope everyones Valentines Day is as good as my birthday.....or I hope they have a miserable time being single ;)

Oh and what I hate worse the valentines day is those people who have "anti-valentines day party's" please get over yourselves. This is reason why yall are single.....loosers.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

2010 GoosetheTwin Movie Awards!

Here we are folks, its a 2011, and it has been for a while now! And it is time for the first ever GoosetheTwin Awards! Since January first the goosethetwin academy has been hard at work picking and choosing the best nominees and winners for these categories!  Let me tell you it was hard to do, first Twin searched through all movies trying to find the best. Then Goose and Twin voted. Hope you all enjoy! Some movies may have gotten snubbed but can't win them all!  

Heyaaa Goose here, I have to give Reynolds a lot of credit. He always takes my ideas and makes them a reality. I'm clearly all talk. It happened with Harry Potter cooking, our youtube channel, and now this (: But its okay because it makes me wanna be a better blogger folks. But listen, being an English major is (easy) *HARD* (really its easy) But there is A LOT of reading. Anyway, Reynolds put most of this together and I did what I do best, gave my input and support. SOME of these were quite hard decisions but the academy (aka Twin and Goose) came up with ever decision unanimously after some FIERCE debate and tie breakers from the Junior academy.

Hahaha Yes, Goose is the thought and I am the action to thislol. But really it wasn't that hard, all I had to do was go to wikipedia and search through all the movies of last year and pick huge lists of favorites then email them to goose and we picked out favorites then argued until we got winners! Enjoy!

In order to have good movies, some unfortunate few must sit through the bad ones, so we will start this blog giving awards for the worst performances of 2011.

Worst Actor

Bow Wow - Lottery Ticket
Jack Black - Gulliver's Travels
Will Forte - MacGruber
Johnson - Tooth Fairy

Worst Actress

Megan Fox - Jonah Hex
Sarah Jessica Parker - Sex and the City 2
Christina Agulera - Burlesque
Cher - Burlesque

Worst Movie

Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Vampires Suck
Lottery Ticket
Jonah Hex

Anti-Goose Award (Favorite for worst movie)
Burlesque - Everyone thought the actresses were terrible but i loved it

 Anti-Twin Award (Favorite for worst Movie)
Alpha and Omega - Terrible Animation but a pretty good movie.

Best Male Lead

Jeff Bridges - True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg - The Social Network
James Franco - 127 Hours
Leonardo Dicaprio - Inception & Shutter Island


Best Female Lead

Nicole Kidman - Rabbit Hole
Natalie Portman - Black Swan
Mia Wasikowska - Alice in Wonderland
Emma Stone - Easy A

Best Supporting Male

Jeremy Renner - The Fighter
Mark Ruffalo - The Kids Are All Right

Johnny Depp - Alice in Wonderland
Joseph Gordon Levitt - Inception


Best Supporting Female

Mila Kunis-Black Swan
Helena Bonham Carter - The Kids Speech
Gwyneth Paltrow - Iron Man 2
Ellen Page - Inception

Best Cast

The Social Network
Grown Ups

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows


Best Movie

Toy Story 3
Easy A
The Social Network

Black Swan

Best Comedy

Hot Tub Time Machine
She's Out Of My League
Get Him to the Greek

Easy A

Best Action

Scott Pilgram vs. the World
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows


Best Romance

Valentine's Day
The Last Song
Letters to Juliet
Charlie St. Cloud

Best Horror/Thriller

Shutter Island
A Nightmare On Elm Street

Black Swan 

Best Animated

How to Train Your Dragon
Shrek Forever After

Toy Story 3

Best Breakout Star

Logan Lerman - Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief
Aaron Johnson - Kick-Ass

Chloe Mortez - Kick-Ass & Let Me In
Ellen Wong - Scott Pilgram vs. The World

Best Villian

Helena Bonham Carter - Alice in Wonderland
Ralph Fiennes - Clash of the Titans
Christopher Mintz-Plasse - Kick-Ass

Amanda Bynes - Easy A


Best Hero

Logan Lerman - Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief
Sam Worthington - Clash of the Titans
Aaron Johnson - Kick-Ass

Chloe Mortez - Kick-Ass


Best Couple

Amanda Seyfried & Channing Tatum - Dear John
Alice Eve & Jay Baruchel - She's Out Of My League

Tina Fey & Steve Carell - Date Night
Katherine Heigl & Ashton Kutcher - Killers

Best Sexiest Performance

Rosario Dawson - Percy Jackson & The Lighning Theif
Emma Stone - Easy A
Scarlett Johansson - Iron Man 2
Anne Hathaway - Love and Other drugs


Best Cardboard Standout

Hot Tub Time Machine
Gullivers Travels
Harry Potter
Iron Man2


Best Movie We Never Saw

Black Swan
The Social Network
True Grit
The King's Speech


Goose Award (Favorite movie)
Tangled well I love me some Disney. And Disney took it back to the old school animation days with this one. It had an air of Beauty and the Beast about it with the freshness and imagination of their recent Pixar creations. The story was so original. I give this movie and Disney huge props. (And I haven't seen Black Swan yet so that cant win ;) )

Twin Award (Favorite Movie)
I am going to have to give the Twin Award to BLACK SWAN. Everything was great about this movie, everyone invovled clearly put a lot of work into it and it cam out my favorite movie of the year! 

*note: if you see names spelled wrong or words spelled wrong they aren't getting fixed, believe it or not formating this thing on blogger was a pain in the ass. if you have a problem with anything you can take it up with google. 

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Got A Secret?


If you don't want spoilers don't go any further. I usually don't post spoilers on her but I figured why not. I'll get back to regular blog post later and I'll make Suz post, or at least make her update the video!

If there is one thing that gets me up in the morning and keeps me up at night, its a good secret. I love all kinds and I definitely am a fan of spoilers. right here I have a huge spoiler for you guys That I am kind enough to give you.

So as some of you may know American Idol was once my favorite tv show, and though it is still near the top of my favorites list it has fallen from its top spot and new shows have came in and taken over, but American Idol still holds a place in my heart. So I got some spoilers for all of you.

I am not going to claim that I somehow found these spoilers on my own, I have my resources wear I get my spoilers for all my shows.

Here is the top 40 on American idol

Idk who fallen angel Gabriel is, but clearly he is a fallen angel, and provided this picture. I got this tip from some other website and some of these people have been tipped about by Nigel Lythgoe.