Sunday, July 31, 2011

Giraffe Week

Oh, it's Shark Week you say?

Well Honey Badger don't care.

There is a new deadly animal in town that will be taking over a tv near you summer 2012! This is the official announcement (of the planning, hoping and countless letters sent to Discovery Channel) of Giraffe Week!

Now you may be saying "What cute little thing that looks like E.T.! Where is Drew Barrymore when you need her?" 

But my friends you are DEAD wrong. These deadly creatures can grow up to 20 feet tall and almost 2,000 pounds. 

Surely these animals are close to extinction like most animals in Africa though right? NOPE. Sure they have awesome coats but those coats are actually camouflage. Remember in Land Before Time when Littlefoot finds that "rock" he thought was his mom? Yeah that was actually a Giraffe.
They have been around millions of years, just because of pure badassery. But still today they face a new modern threat, Hunters. Alas, Giraffes don't play around with guns. If you shoot at them you better expect repercussions.

Here you can see a baby Giraffe doing what I call "the kiss of deaf". Where a Giraffe gives you a little kiss (usually with tongue) and then proceeds to strangle you with that long neck.

Luckily, this giraffe was a baby and wasn't able to kill the man.

It's not just the neck you must be worried about though, Giraffes do have horns.

Ever seen them? Probably not. Because they come out only in times of need, and when the Giraffe needs to bring him out he or she usually kills.

Here we have Sarah and Esmee, two brave women who have raised this deadly creature since birth. You can clearly see there the horns come out.

I ask all of you to be cautious around Giraffes. In the last 20 years we have lost 834 people due to Giraffe attacks.

So next time you see this:
Remember the dangers it holds.

(This is totally fictional, so don't try to kill Giraffes...or we will kill you...jk...but seriously.)

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