Brain Eating Terrorist.

If you pay any attention at all to the news, and by news I mean Yahoo! news because that's all I look at (and twitter), then you know about these brain eating amoebas...

WHAT?

Did I really just say that? YUP. A brain eating amoeba. Let that sink in for a few seconds.




This mother trucker thinks he can just swim up your nose and chow down on your brain. This my friend is what gamers and horror movie enthusiast like to call zombies. Zombies should be the only thing eating brains around these parts!

How does one get there brain eating you may ask? Well you go swimming in a warm body of fresh water. Then it gnaws up you brain until you die. I imagine that there a quick way to check if you have this (besides symptoms like headache, vomiting and stiff neck) is to knock on your head and listen to see if it sounds hollower.

They say to avoid shallow water and stirring up the bottom.

Oh that's nice, I feel better.

NOT.

You know what I am going to avoid? Water. Yup, no water. I will go about and by more deodorant tomorrow. I will only shower once a week with freezing cold water. and my face will not be washed near the nose.

Also a good precaution...I'd say don't pick those boogers! I bet those little zombie can't dig through boogers.

They say you die from within 1 to 12 days after swimming and being taken over. So, for instants, lets say you get sick with what you think is the flew. I think we have all had those symptoms for a few days and lived...because it was the flew. NOW along with feeling like crap and worrying when we will finally be able to hold down proper food and have a mouth that doesn't taste like vomit...we have to worry about an amoeba eating our brains (if we had been in the water recently).

Apparently these don't live in pools and these things happen all the time. Like once a year. OH that makes me feel better too. Glad its semi common. Glad its not a temporary thing that will be over once winter hits.

3 deaths this summer, two of them being children (well child and teenager). That's just plain sad and scary! Summer is almost over so here just a warning...if you get those symptoms go to the hospital.

I wonder if you feel it eating your brain? BLEEGGGHHH. Gross right? Does your brain hurt now? Mine does.

I'm much more comfortable swimming with sharks...you can see them...you know what is happening the whole time. They are very straight forward attackers. Sure they aren't ever 100% sure whether they want to eat you or not but hey when you go to that new restaurant you take a big out of your food too before you swallow it down. Frankly getting eaten whole by a shark really says something good about your taste and hygiene.



Anyway I just have one question about this Amoeba situations.


WHERE ARE THE POWERPUFF GIRLS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?

Giraffe Week

Oh, it's Shark Week you say?

Well Honey Badger don't care.

There is a new deadly animal in town that will be taking over a tv near you summer 2012! This is the official announcement (of the planning, hoping and countless letters sent to Discovery Channel) of Giraffe Week!

Now you may be saying "What cute little thing that looks like E.T.! Where is Drew Barrymore when you need her?" 

But my friends you are DEAD wrong. These deadly creatures can grow up to 20 feet tall and almost 2,000 pounds. 

Surely these animals are close to extinction like most animals in Africa though right? NOPE. Sure they have awesome coats but those coats are actually camouflage. Remember in Land Before Time when Littlefoot finds that "rock" he thought was his mom? Yeah that was actually a Giraffe.

They have been around millions of years, just because of pure badassery. But still today they face a new modern threat, Hunters. Alas, Giraffes don't play around with guns. If you shoot at them you better expect repercussions.

Here you can see a baby Giraffe doing what I call "the kiss of deaf". Where a Giraffe gives you a little kiss (usually with tongue) and then proceeds to strangle you with that long neck.

Luckily, this giraffe was a baby and wasn't able to kill the man.

It's not just the neck you must be worried about though, Giraffes do have horns.

Ever seen them? Probably not. Because they come out only in times of need, and when the Giraffe needs to bring him out he or she usually kills.

Here we have Sarah and Esmee, two brave women who have raised this deadly creature since birth. You can clearly see there the horns come out.

I ask all of you to be cautious around Giraffes. In the last 20 years we have lost 834 people due to Giraffe attacks.

So next time you see this:

Remember the dangers it holds.

(This is totally fictional, so don't try to kill Giraffes...or we will kill you...jk...but seriously.)