ENGL 375...Literature Analysis ??? Well no. Not really. (:

Um okay. I’m in ENGL 375. It’s American Literature some sort of significant year to another one farther down the line WHATEVER.

My teacher is British.

He legit used to teach in LONDON.

I don’t know if you understand the significance. My INCREDIBLY British teacher teaches AMERICAN literature. Thank God because it takes a crazy hilarious Brit to make American Literature interesting.

I mean, he’s having us read the Scarlet Letter. U G H. It’s fine and all and I GET IT. It screams America with a capital A. But it’s also lame with a capital L. No, it’s LAME with all caps. And bold. And italicized. LAME. Okay maybe not that bad. Just Lame will do.

No, I’m not going to get into all the whacked out themes these overreaching English majors throw out there. Maybe I’m just jealous because I feel like when they say stuff like “Oh I see an underlying theme of spirituality vs nature” I feel like they’re being pretentious (not to mention showing off how well they use Google) while the British teacher jumps around giddy-like with enthusiasm.

I mean I’m not stupid. I could come up with some good shit too. I plot out what I’m going to spout off in class like the themes of “morality growing from sorrow and fear.” but I’m afraid that someone is going to be like “Um that’s overreaching” and it is. It always is. But that's what we English majors do, overreach. Pretending to like it is the hard part.

Point is, Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote the book to write a book. I don’t believe he sat down and was like “I WANT TO WRITE A BOOK THAT OUTLINES MORALITY GROWING FROM SORROW AND FEAR. OR MAYBE SPIRITUALITY VS NATURE. YEAH THAT’S GOOD.”

Nope. He sat down and was like “eh, here’s an idea.”

Believe me, we’ve met. He told me. Ask him yourself.

Okay so here’s the 311 (A little less than 411 and I like the band): I’m an English major, Communications minor. But really, I’m just looking for that Bachelors Degree. I’m hoping to get rich by being a New York Times Bestselling Author. Or Caldecott Award Winner, or Newberry or WHATEVER. Really, whatever. I’ll take anything. So I guess I have to get through all of the Scarlet Letter teachings out there for another year or so. Just in case I need that degree to fall back on.

& Screw it. I’m reading children’s literature from now on. That’s really what I want to write anyway.

OKAY yes, I’ve been planning on doing this for awhile. I’m going to read my old favorites while reading this deeply AMERICAN schtuff blahblahblah. I’ll chronicle that here too. I’m excited and convinced that it’ll be fun. Way funner than THE SCARLET LETTER.

Because children believe that you can use words like funner and adults won’t allow it.

I will.

So will Nathaniel Hawthorne. He said it to me that time we met.  He said, “Spending time with you is way funner than writing ‘The Scarlet Letter.’ To which I replied, “Oh Nate, you slay me.” (Yes I call him Nate).

MINE!

- Suzanne